Cobra Starship: Viva La Cobra!

The dictionary defines torture as "a cause of severe pain or anguish." The debate may be ongoing about whether or not 'waterboarding' constitutes as such, the jury however, is back on "Viva La Cobra". Give us the wet rag down our throat anyday.

Cobra Starship is another project of fast growing turd factory "Fueled by Ramen". The five members of the band think they're creating fun, kitsch dance-rock. They're clearly living perputually in opposite day. They are obviously marketed towards tweens who love the style of mainstream 'emo' but find the music a bit too substantial and deep for their liking.

Throughout the album Cobra manage to rip-off every single power-pop band in the entire world, with the band grasping desperately at every idea, not one moment has a semblance of cohesion. After the first three tracks, boredom has set in, it doesn't look like it can get much worse. Then, the rapping and the spelled-out vocals start and all of a sudden, you start to miss boredom as it's mean older brothers revulsion and nausea set up camp in your head.

Even when moments of catchiness actually claw their way to the surface, the gag reflex again is triggered by the bands juevenile lyricism complete with smarm a-go-go. Which in Cobrian roughly translates as 'C to the R to the A to the, to the, to the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the P'. Strange Glue would like to remind you all of how lucky you are that you can make it stop anytime you see fit (our first reflex that way inclined was at around 52 seconds into the first track.) we however, are forced to listen to it over and over and over again, just to make sure.

Speaking about the album's moniker they said "We all LOVED the title 'If the World Is Ending, We're Throwing the Party' (it's actually a line from what I think will be the first song we put out). But everyone (their fans) was having a hard time remembering it (they were like, 'what is it again? If the world is gonna end , then we're gonn....??' etc. )" You can discern for yourself the IQ of the average C.S. fan from that statement. It's nine words...

To sum up, here is a list of things we'd rather do than have to endure this album again.

1.) Re-enact the first task from "Die Hard with a Vengeance."
2.) Have a shave using a belt sander, and we don't just mean the face.
3.) Attend a six day convention entitled 'The Future of Plumbing'.
4.) Attend a 'Big-Brother' reunion party.
5.) Undergo seven hydrochloric acid colonics.
6.) Try a knock knock joke on a homeless man.
7.) Work in a convenience store which says "We have £10,000 currently in the till."
8.) Staple our mouth around the exhaust pipe of a 4x4.
9.) Have our blood replaced with Diet Coke before taking an injection of Mentos.
10.) Answer the question of "What do live plug sockets taste like?"

Note: The rating has been upgraded from a zero to a one due to the new site engines's inability to handle the crapness of a 0/10.